I don’t drink.

Three words. Simple. To the point.

I was into drugs when I was a late teen, early 20’s gal. By drugs I mean crystal meth. Back then we didn’t call it meth. Meth wasn’t even “a thing”. It was just a new drug that was cheap and got you high for a really long time. I think we called it crank or speed. Anyway, who the hell cares right? My point is, we didn’t know jack about how much it would screw us up. It was all trial and error. I tried and I erred to the point of losing my union job, my family, my friends, and my health. My new BFF’s were a bunch of old bikers and even they were telling me I had taken it all too far. I can’t even begin to tell you how rotted my life was. I was a beer drinking, head banging, cigarette smoking, scrawny ass meth head. Talk about an awkward stage! So I quit. I didn’t tell anyone I was taking a break from it. I didn’t tell anyone I was training for a marathon. I didn’t throw down rails of sugar in hopes nobody would notice it wasn’t the real deal. I just quit and moved on. That was that. I’m thankful every day for being wise enough to wise up!

In my 30’s I quit drinking beer and moved on to wine.  It just seemed the more sophisticated thing to do. I stopped listening to heavy metal music and moved on to lighter, happier tunes. I also quit smoking. I was a pretty hard core smoker. Pack or so more a day. I’d wake up in the middle of the night and have a smoke. I smoked with every single thing I did. I hated it. I hated how it smelled. I hated how I felt. I hated being “a smoker”. I hated being addicted. So I quit. I didn’t tell anyone I was taking a break from it. I didn’t light up candy cigarettes in hopes that nobody would notice it wasn’t an actual cig. I just quit and moved on. That was that. I’m thankful every day for being wise enough to wise up!

Here I stand in my 40’s. I don’t tell people I’m a recovering drug addict because I’m not. I used to do drugs. Now I don’t. Same with smoking. I don’t tell anyone I’m a recovering smoker. I used to smoke. Now I don’t. I’m approaching alcohol the same way because it works. For me, it works. I read so many articles on how to handle the social hump of quitting drinking. They all said the same thing. Tell people you’re on a cleanse. Tell people you’re training for a marathon. That ones tough if you’re downing donuts and a chocolate mocha latte, btw. Carry around a glass of club soda with a lime. I got so annoyed with it all. Where’s the advice to just be honest? Is it THAT bad? No, it’s not. We make it so much worse than it is. So ya know what, people are hearing the real deal from me. I’m not fancy footing it. I’m not pretending it’s something it’s not. I’m not going to lie. I don’t drink. I just quit and moved on. That’s that. And I’m thankful every day for being wise enough to wise up!

 

 

 

 

 

40 days sober

40 days…is that all?  40 days ago I decided to stop the broken record of quitting drinking. It’s been interesting so far. I’ve been blissful, depressed, proud of myself, dismayed,  overwhelmed by how well my body has responded, and totally shocked at how rebellious my mind has reacted. Mornings are my favorite part of the day. It’s peaceful and quiet. After 8pm, my anxiety kicks in and my mind races with a hundred reasons why. In the end though it’s just my struggle to push back on years of calming it all with wine. Not to say those reasons for anxiety aren’t valid. They are. I just haven’t found a consistent way to manage it. I do go to yoga a couple nights a week and that helps tremendously. But even after class my mind starts to race again. I need to find a way to get the same breathe and let it go feeling that came with wine. I see meditation in my future.