That title means nothing. I couldn’t think of a title! Anyway…..
Life is better sober. I’m very glad I did this. In the beginning I worried a lot about how it would affect my social life. I already knew in my mind who I’d be giving up as a friend by making this change. I knew who the wild cards were and I knew who wouldn’t care. I was right. 100% right. Their resentment over my sobriety is palpable. I expected it. What I didn’t expect was my initial anger about it. It really pissed me off to no end that they could be that shallow. That our friendship was entirely built around booze. Really? REALLY? Ya. Really. In the end I did accept it. I’m better off. That’s not a knock on them. I’m pushing forward in my life and growing in a hundred ways I never even expected. The farther they appear in my rear view, the less concerned I am with what they’re doing. I’m much more concerned about what I’m doing. It’s nice to be concerned about me.
I remember clearly being drunk, looking at a bottle of pills and thinking “I could take that whole bottle and end this.” The agony I felt inside was wretched. I was a disorganized mess. I couldn’t get out of my own way. I had no routine. I was so forgetful that I was almost certain I had early onset Alzheimer’s. I felt stupid. I felt sorry for anyone that had to put up with my absent mind. I felt insecure, I beat myself up relentlessly, and I’d drown it all in the one thing that was causing it. Imagine that, huh? My life, generally speaking, wasn’t a wreck. My job was eh. My relationship was eh. I just thought that was norrrmallll. It may be the norm but it’s not normal. I know that now. Now my job is going so well I have to figure out what to do with all the work they’re throwing my way. My husband quit drinking when he saw how it changed me for the better. Needless to say, we’re closer than we have been in years. My relationship with my friends, my real friends, has grown stronger. My relationship with myself, most importantly, has grown so so much. I never, ever consider taking my life. I look forward to life every single day.
Alcohol is such a waste; I guess that’s why they say you get wasted (that’s my cheesy line for the day). I stepped outside the bottle, man. You couldn’t pay me to go back in. Life is better for me on this side. I hope you all find peace and joy with sobriety. xo