Oh, this old thing? It’s nothing.

It’s not enough. More or less this has been my life motto. It’s not a fun one to tote around. When I quit drinking I was able to clearly identify the signs that I was emotionally sabotaging myself.

  • Focusing on one thing and attacking it relentlessly.
  • Getting angry if I suspected anyone was judging my thing.
  • Noticing my thing in others and being very critical of them for having the thing.

I can attack my thing all day long. It’s mine to beat up, push around, make feel inferior whenever I want for how as long as I want. But if someone else mentions my thing in a negative way, they’re gonna get it. And if I notice someone has the same thing, well they suck and are seriously flawed.

I’ve been feeling pretty footloose and fancy free that I picked up on this self loathing and kicked it to the curb. I got pretty puffed up about it. In fact, I was so excited about it that I failed to notice I was still doing it. What you ask? Yup. I’m still doing it. Attacking a thing is 40 years in the making. It was unrealistic to think that quitting drinking would magically make that stop. I thought drinking cured everything bad, no?

I’ve moved on to a new thing. I’ve broken my habit of beating up the same old thing, which is great! But I didn’t recognize I was doing it to a new thing because I’ve never had an issue with this thing. I have my goodie bag of things I pick on. This wasn’t in there until now. It snuck in! Anyway, sobriety has allowed me to see this in myself and even come up with my own checklist. If I’m doing those three things to any thing then it’s time to regroup. Also, I need a new motto.  🙂








One comment

  1. suburbanbetty · February 2, 2016

    I don’t have a motto but I think now I’m going to get one. This is one of those deals where once you see it, you can’t un-see it. So that’s good!


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