I have entered a realm of total peace with my sobriety. My first 6 months of sobriety taught me a lot about myself and gave me a lot of confidence. However, I lacked a comfort with it all. I was glad I did it. I found peace in moments and certainly when I went down my list of before and after I was very happy and proud. The lump that sat in my stomach was this notion that I had to justify my sobriety; to my friends, my family and to myself. My stomach knotted in social situations. In my own mind I wasn’t convinced that I really NEEDED to be sober. I definitely wanted to be and I was gung ho about it. But need? Meh, that seemed like a stretch. I knew anyone in my life would agree with me on that. Sadly, I let go of all the reasons I quit and went back to it. Thankfully it wasn’t a long stay in booze town but man it was a meaningful one. I can’t tell you how much I missed my sobriety. I longed for it physically, emotionally and spiritually. So yes, I do need to be sober. The millions reasons why I need it are really nobody’s business. I know I need, yes NEED, to be sober. My life is infinitely better without alcohol. End of story. And now I have peace to back that shit up. That’s powerful! Let’s rewind a bit, shall we?
We were out to dinner one night with friends having some wine and one of them said, “I’m so glad you’re back to drinking. I was afraid we’d have to lose you as a friend.” What a shitty thing to say. It really fucking hurt to hear that. Then it was followed up with, “You’re okay to be around sober but you’re like our friend Tammy. You need a few drinks to loosen up and really be fun around.” Um, ouch! I met Tammie before and she’s a total douche. But if I’m going to be honest I do need a few drinks to loosen up around them. Alcohol is the only thing we have in common. There is literally nothing else we have in common. I just realized that maybe Tammie feels the same way! Anyway, I don’t know guys. That changed something in me. As heartbreaking as it was at the moment it was also gave me a much needed revelation. The old saying is true. If you want to find out who your friend are, get sober!
Coincidentally, I went paddle boarding with a new friend recently and she told me she loves hanging out with me because she always has a great time. The feeling is mutual. We laugh a lot and never run out of things to talk about. AND she had a drink before we headed out on the boards – little hair of the dog. And she knows I’m sober. So it’s not that I’m not fun if I don’t drink or that I can’t have fun around people that drink. It’s that it’s not fun to hang around people you have nothing in common with. DUH! So simple.