Revelations and shit

I have entered a realm of total peace with my sobriety. My first 6 months of sobriety taught me a lot about myself and gave me a lot of confidence. However, I lacked a comfort with it all. I was glad I did it. I found peace in moments and certainly when I went down my list of before and after I was very happy and proud. The lump that sat in my stomach was this notion that I had to justify my sobriety; to my friends, my family and to myself. My stomach knotted in social situations. In my own mind I wasn’t convinced that I really NEEDED to be sober. I definitely wanted to be and I was gung ho about it. But need? Meh, that seemed like a stretch. I knew anyone in my life would agree with me on that. Sadly,  I let go of all the reasons I quit and went back to it. Thankfully it wasn’t a long stay in booze town but man it was a meaningful one.  I can’t tell you how much I missed my sobriety.  I longed for it physically, emotionally and spiritually. So yes, I do need to be sober. The millions reasons why I need it are really nobody’s business. I know I need, yes NEED, to be sober. My life is infinitely better without alcohol.  End of story. And now I have peace to back that shit up. That’s powerful! Let’s rewind a bit, shall we?

We were out to dinner one night with friends having some wine and one of them said, “I’m so glad you’re back to drinking. I was afraid we’d have to lose you as a friend.” What a shitty thing to say. It really fucking hurt to hear that. Then it was followed up with, “You’re okay to be around sober but you’re like our friend Tammy. You need a few drinks to loosen up and really be fun around.” Um, ouch!  I met Tammie before and she’s a total douche. But if I’m going to be honest I do need a few drinks to loosen up around them.  Alcohol is the only thing we have in common. There is literally nothing else we have in common. I just realized that maybe Tammie feels the same way!  Anyway, I don’t know guys. That changed something in me. As heartbreaking as it was at the moment it was also gave me a much needed revelation. The old saying is true. If you want to find out who your friend are, get sober!

Coincidentally, I went paddle boarding with a  new friend recently and she told me she loves hanging out with me because she always has a great time. The feeling is mutual. We laugh a lot and never run out of things to talk about. AND she had a drink before we headed out on the boards – little hair of the dog. And she knows I’m sober. So it’s not that I’m not fun if I don’t drink or that I can’t have fun around people that drink. It’s that it’s not fun to hang around people you have nothing in common with. DUH! So simple.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 comments

  1. ainsobriety · June 14, 2016

    Absolutely true.
    What a bitchy thing to say to you. I imagine that friend has her own drinking issues and you not drinking made her uncomfortable.
    I left lots of friends behind. Some of them were just not nice people.

    It’s not about how much we drank, or how often. It’s about that mental distress that comes with alcohol. It takes away from life. It creates tension and anxiety. And, at least for me, it was compulsive. Which was scary.

    No one needs that. I like your new friend. Sticks with her!

    Liked by 2 people

    • truthbetold1111 · June 16, 2016

      Yes, alcohol does create all those things and more. Compulsive drinking is scary. Overall it’s a toxic substance that messes with our bodies and has a domino effect on so many parts of our lives. And it makes otherwise good people say shitty things. I know because it’s made me say some pretty jacked up stuff. Time to let go of negativity though and build a life worth living with people I enjoy sharing it with. 🌸

      Liked by 2 people

  2. noddysober · June 14, 2016

    Hi there my friend. I got so much from your post. I’m so happy that you have found peace. You described how I feel sometimes perfectly, that knot in your stomach, the questioning yourself of the ‘need’. I know I need sobriety, and your post reinforced my resolve. Thank you.
    So called friends I used to socialize with don’t contact me anymore, most of my friends now are AA fellows. Sounds like you have a great new friend! Happy for you. Noddy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • truthbetold1111 · June 16, 2016

      Hi ol’ friend! Yes, my new friend from yoga invited me to a weekend event with her and another friend. Not centered around drinking (thankfully) but when I thought about what would happen at dinner time I felt a rush of fear. I think it’s normal. And I’m really trying to identify that it’s fear, tell myself I have nothing to be afraid of and move on. Like, not dwell on it. Also focusing on picturing the night going smoothly and my sobriety not being an issue – for me or them. Mind over matter; picture what you want to be kinda thing. If that makes sense? I really want to conquer this fear.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. xomorgsxo · June 14, 2016

    me exactly- sometimes we look back and think whyyy was I friends with these people?

    Liked by 1 person

    • truthbetold1111 · June 16, 2016

      Ya, that’s been happening with me a lot lately. I’m also reconsidering people I didn’t make time for and should have. Life changes. 👍

      Liked by 1 person

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