Yep …

 

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I came across this cartoon and seriously can’t stop laughing at it. It’s so relatable I can’t even  handle it. The little dog is even smile while drinking coffee. I mean, c’mon! That’s me. In the middle of my own fire-ey hell that I’ve created but it’s fine because I’m sober. I have a cool hat, a smile and a cup of coffee. It’s fine. It’s fine. It REALLY IS totally fine.

I’m sure I’ll figure out what to do with this fire eventually. *sips coffee*

 

 

 

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The side effects of sobriety

You THINK you know but you have no idea. If you’re new to sobriety or thinking about it, you’ve likely read a lot about what to expect. It runs the gamete from withdrawals to relationships. But here are some side effects of sobriety that they DON’T tell you about. Mhm. Hang on to your pants. Shits about to get real.

Clean towels – I honestly thought my towels were old and smelly and needed to be replaced. Turns out they just needed to be washed – on a regular basis.

Coffee, eggs, TP, water – always in stock. No more waking up at 3am wondering if chugging seltzer water is worth it since you’re out of drinking water because you raced home to  start drinking – screw the grocery store and life necessities!

You no longer argue with your spouse about A) not stopping at the store on the way home to get alcohol (I thought YOU were doing it), or B) not getting enough alcohol from the store. No more running out of booze at 7:30pm and being pissed off because you can’t drive to get more and now your night is ruined! Oh, the dramatics. Ya, thankfully you can kiss that goodbye.

Dishes are always done. No more making dinner, getting tanked, looking at the mess and leaving it for your hangover’d ass in the morning.

No more flies. What? See above. A clean sink and counters means less flies. True story.

Car is always clean. No more cream cheese smeared on the steering wheel from racing to work (late again) with a bagel in a hand.

Dog is happier. He doesn’t look at you like “Get your shit together, will you? I need a walk for crying out loud.”

Plants are alive and well. They aren’t half wilted wishing for complete death. No more faint cries for “Kavorochian” coming from your plants. In fact, your home now looks like a green house. You’re officially “the crazy plant lady”.

If you’re like me you started eating sugar again and you have the farts to prove it.

If you’re like me you started adding fresh veggies to your diet and you have the farts to prove it.

You’ll have less back and forth emails with co-workers because you now make sense. One and one baby. One. And. Done.

You can probably have caffeine again. Turns out your coffee jitters were daily withdrawals from booze.

You’re losing weight even though you’re not working out. This is because A) you’re up earlier and getting more done B) you’re getting more stuff done after work. C) you’re not mowwing down on greasy food at midnight. Side note: you may still be eating nachos before bed, like me, but it’s doesn’t count because you’re not drinking and your body knows it. BAM.

You drink way less water because you’re now sufficiently hydrated all the time. No more empty water bottles laying around every place you dwell.

You know where your phone, keys, and glasses are.

Your now the “go to” person for your boss because it appears you’re working harder than you ever have in your life and are getting a shitload done. Oddly enough, you’re not even trying.

You’re a morning person. Yes, even on weekends. And you love it.

 

~ Namaste Bitches!

 

Un-F*ck Yourself

The initial shitty part of sobriety is the realization of just how fucked up your life has become. The WONDERFUL thing about sobriety is that you have the clarity to un-fuck yourself. Isn’t that great?

~ Namaste Bitches  😉

“You put the work in, don’t worry about the praise, my love
Don’t try to change the world, find something that you love
And do it every day
Do that for the rest of your life
And eventually, the world will change” – Macklemore

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You know you’re an alcoholic when…

I read an article recently that talks about how alcohol hits the brain. Whether you’ve had one drink or one hundred, it hits the same spot and releases the same thing – endorphins. It stands to reason then that an alcoholic can be someone who has one drink a day but HAS to have it. Or someone that has one hundred drinks a day and HAS to have it. When it comes to clean, pure addiction it’s all the same. Same junkie knocking on the door looking for a hit.Obviously, the toll it takes on your body is worse if you drink more (just ask your liver). Although, I have to say that the shit that was going  sideways with my body has rectified itself since I quit. So who knows? Lord knows the alcohol industry doesn’t want us “normal” drinkers thinking it’s a bad thing. They’ll pay anything to make sure no testing is done and certainly nothing will come up in a Google search. Anyywayyyy….

I bring this up because I wouldn’t classify myself as having been a heavy drinker. I honestly went into sobriety thinking “No prob. I only have a few glasses of wine a night so I definitely got this.” And it’s, um….well, let’s just say I was wrong and at times it’s had me totally baffled. Looking back I can see how naïve I was. I went from probably the age of 19-40 having a few drinks a night. No nights off. It was just my way of relaxing (*cough* escaping). In a way, I may have even been classified a “normie”. I don’t have anything I can point to and say it drove me to stop. I just felt like shit. I was depressed, sad, lonely, every part of my body hurt (which I accepted as normal) and wanted more out of life. I figured hell, I’ll give this up and see what happens. While the benefits have been great the addictive part is one I have to acknowledge daily. Crazy, huh? I’ve been fighting labeling myself alcoholic because that seemed reserved for the image of the person the alcohol industry has forced down our throats. But I dunno guys. I think I’m okay with saying to myself that I have an addiction. It’ll probably even help me get through the next phase of whatever phase I’m in. Makes sense. It wouldn’t be the first addiction I’ve battled in my life. But it’ll be another I can say I conquered. And that’s pretty rad no matter how you label it.

~ Namaste Bitches

 

 

 

 

 

So, I’m pretty much famous

 

Okay, I clearly have no idea how to size and add photos properly. But honestly, who cares. Check this out! I have been in slump ever since I had my relapse and chucked 6 months of sobriety out the window. I said I wasn’t going to let me get it down, and in a way that’s true. True in the sense that I wasn’t going to let it stop me from getting back on track. But it did hurt. Ugh. And totally sucks having to go through withdraws, resetting expectations with family and friends, reset my sober clock,  yada yada. Anywho….I’m baaaackkk. My mojo is flowing. I feel good. THIS is the moment I have been waiting for. To be reconnected with the genuine, happy me. Not trying to force anything but just being. Ah, feels so good. Okay, so here’s the deal. When I quit drinking I replaced my evening wine time with yoga. I go from 6:30-8 M-Thur. My feeling is if I was able to make time for wine and do absolutely nothing then I can make time for yoga and get my shit together. It’s paid off in spades. One of my instructors took this picture of me in class and afterwards I told her my back story about this pose. Welp, she posted it on FB the other day and now it’s had 7  – S E V E N –  shares. One by Thug Yoga whose FB page and products I absolutely adore. Their products and posts are hysterical and should check them out if you want a good laugh – even if you don’t do yoga. Here I am sober friends. Doing my thang and feeling amazing. This is affirmation that those 6 months weren’t chucked out the window. A solid, concrete reminder that a lot of progress had been made even if I had a slip up. One of these days I will post about the inflammatory effects of alcohol. But for now….it’s like an angel heard my cries and sent this to dry my eyes. It’s a beautiful thing. Untitled

Namaste bitches!

 

 

The honeymoon is over.

We have all at one time or another placed exceptions to our sobriety. Such as, “I’ll only drink on special occasions or when on vacation.” I think its our way of coping. Our way of saying it won’t be like this forever. The problem is it reinforces an idea that the alcohol industry has sold us – sobriety is a bad time. A time we just need to muster through. Well, never mind the pitfall that awaits, it’s overall just a shitty thing to say. It loaded with negativity, discouragement and mistrust. Nothing about an exception implies that this decision you’ve made to be sober is positive, healthy, peaceful, joyful and I’d venture to say the best decision you could ever make for yourself.

My husband and I went to an all inclusive resort for our honeymoon 13-ish years ago. Our first day there we met a couple at the swim up bar. It was around noon. He was horribly wasted. Just shitty. Hand movements, head rolls and all. She was stone cold sober and looked terrified. They had gotten married on the resort earlier that morning. It was a gorgeous sunny day in Antigua. This should have been the best day of their lives but they looked woefully unhappy. Well, she did. He just looked drunk. It didn’t take long for him to blurt out “I don’t drink. I’ve been sober 10 years. I always told myself if I ever went to an all inclusive resort I’d let myself drink.” I will never forget that moment. The way it spilled out of him defiantly. The message was clear that he’d continue drinking and nobody was going to stop him. He had been waiting for this moment for ten years. The look of confusion and sadness on her face. “I have never seen him drink alcohol in all our years together. This is the first time. On our wedding day.”

I was sure hoping that he’d sober up to what he’d done and spend the rest of his honeymoon, well sober. He didn’t. We saw that couple at various times of the day for 5 days. Each time we saw him he was stumbling drunk and rambling on about how he’d go back to being sober when he got home. And each time she looked more and more detached. Can you imagine? This man could have had the best honeymoon of his life. I guarantee you he doesn’t remember a bit of it. I wonder if they’re even still married.

I’ll just end it here and let that sink in. I’m heading to yoga.

Namaste friends!