The side effects of sobriety

You THINK you know but you have no idea. If you’re new to sobriety or thinking about it, you’ve likely read a lot about what to expect. It runs the gamete from withdrawals to relationships. But here are some side effects of sobriety that they DON’T tell you about. Mhm. Hang on to your pants. Shits about to get real.

Clean towels – I honestly thought my towels were old and smelly and needed to be replaced. Turns out they just needed to be washed – on a regular basis.

Coffee, eggs, TP, water – always in stock. No more waking up at 3am wondering if chugging seltzer water is worth it since you’re out of drinking water because you raced home to  start drinking – screw the grocery store and life necessities!

You no longer argue with your spouse about A) not stopping at the store on the way home to get alcohol (I thought YOU were doing it), or B) not getting enough alcohol from the store. No more running out of booze at 7:30pm and being pissed off because you can’t drive to get more and now your night is ruined! Oh, the dramatics. Ya, thankfully you can kiss that goodbye.

Dishes are always done. No more making dinner, getting tanked, looking at the mess and leaving it for your hangover’d ass in the morning.

No more flies. What? See above. A clean sink and counters means less flies. True story.

Car is always clean. No more cream cheese smeared on the steering wheel from racing to work (late again) with a bagel in a hand.

Dog is happier. He doesn’t look at you like “Get your shit together, will you? I need a walk for crying out loud.”

Plants are alive and well. They aren’t half wilted wishing for complete death. No more faint cries for “Kavorochian” coming from your plants. In fact, your home now looks like a green house. You’re officially “the crazy plant lady”.

If you’re like me you started eating sugar again and you have the farts to prove it.

If you’re like me you started adding fresh veggies to your diet and you have the farts to prove it.

You’ll have less back and forth emails with co-workers because you now make sense. One and one baby. One. And. Done.

You can probably have caffeine again. Turns out your coffee jitters were daily withdrawals from booze.

You’re losing weight even though you’re not working out. This is because A) you’re up earlier and getting more done B) you’re getting more stuff done after work. C) you’re not mowwing down on greasy food at midnight. Side note: you may still be eating nachos before bed, like me, but it’s doesn’t count because you’re not drinking and your body knows it. BAM.

You drink way less water because you’re now sufficiently hydrated all the time. No more empty water bottles laying around every place you dwell.

You know where your phone, keys, and glasses are.

Your now the “go to” person for your boss because it appears you’re working harder than you ever have in your life and are getting a shitload done. Oddly enough, you’re not even trying.

You’re a morning person. Yes, even on weekends. And you love it.


~ Namaste Bitches!




  1. littlemsjones · July 21, 2016

    Love it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. suburbanbetty · July 21, 2016

    Everything but: plants alive (no, not here, dead plants), morning person (never), and farts (I don’t do that.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. truthbetold1111 · July 22, 2016



  4. noddysober · July 22, 2016

    So true! Love it

    Liked by 1 person

  5. stelladaniela · September 13, 2016

    Thanks for the laugh!


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