Nerves, weird stuff, and AA

It’s time. I’m going to an AA meeting tonight. A few things happened to bring me to this point. To start it’s just been on my mind for a while. But, my total mental breakdown and the realization that I have detachment/escape issues helped me understand that I really need support in staying sober and re-learning how to cope. I dropped my coping mechanism. And while I’ve found great benefit in yoga it’s not helping me cope. It’s helping me escape in a way because I can totally disappear from my life for 90 minutes a day. That’s fine as long as I’m dealing with stuff outside the yoga room and I’m just not. The other day I was in yoga, laying on my mat (like you do) and I thought to my higher power that I feel really alone in my sobriety. I have support thankfully from friends and family but nobody I know is sober. Right after that, I mean RIGHT after, the instructor said “I’m an alcoholic and this yoga has helped me learn the importance of self love and taking care of myself.” Woah. After class we were talking about it and she said, “I’ve never said that out loud before. I don’t know what made me say it. I guess maybe just the intimacy of the room at that moment.” Double woah.

Yesterday, before class I was talking to a different instructor and she started talking about how she’s been dating this guy for a while who’s on the same plane with her on how to cope with life and look inward, etc. I hadn’t said a word about my sobriety journey or that I was in the throws of a breakdown. And she said “He’s an alcoholic. He’s been sober for 13 years and still attends AA meetings.” She went on to say that she was never much of a drinker but he’s had an influence on her, and that she’s been surprised to find that a lot of yogis in the community are sober. So random.

So, here I am all bundled up with nerves and definitely going to take that step to the 12 step tonight. I am very nervous. What if I’m not alcoholic enough, do you know what I mean? I have no idea what to expect. People are people at the end of the day. Will I be accepted? What if they ask me questions? I’m not good on the spot at all. It takes me 12 light years to process a question and answer it. I’m sweating. Or lord, I’m sweating. Okay. Whew, breathe. I’m going to go for a walk and get some air. Wish me luck guys!!

 

 

 

 

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8 comments

  1. noddysober · August 4, 2016

    You have nothing to worry about. Everyone in that meeting walked in for the first time once.

    The only requirement for membership to AA is a desire to stop drinking. Period.

    You don’t have to say anything to anyone if you don’t want to.

    You will quickly feel at ease and enjoy the meeting. I have met so many sober friends there.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. feelingmywaybackintolife · August 4, 2016

    Wonderful, all this coincedences going on 🙂 These are signs that you are on the right track. And, finding an escape in yoga is FINE! Don’t worry about that. You have gone from a destructive way of drinking yourself through life to dropping your escape, it is ok to find that now in yoga. Rome was not built in a day. Baby steps, baby steps. I can imagine (know from experience 😦 ) that the not coping sucks, but sobriety first. You do not have to be perfect. I had/have (!!!) an issue there but I realised that if I have spent 44 years developing an addictive personality, I will most likely need at least 44 months of constant vigilance, attention and relearning life to turn that misunderstood way of life, that intention around. And I am not doing the constant vigilance etc. just because sometimes I don’t want to deal. So I Netflix and eat chocolate. Not saying that you should, but; sobriety first. Setting standards so high one can only fail them, or talking yourself down is not going to help you in any way. 😉
    Guessing you have already been to your meeting. If not: wishing you a wonderful first time AA. 🙂 As NoddySober said: all people know what it is to be there the first time. 🙂 Have faith. 🙂
    xx, Feeling

    Liked by 2 people

  3. ainsobriety · August 4, 2016

    They will embrace you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lily 🌷 · August 5, 2016

    very good luck, I am sure you will be absolutely fine x Lily

    Like

  5. Quitter · August 7, 2016

    I hope it went well and you found what you are looking for. Hang in there.

    Like

  6. onebottleoneglass · October 13, 2016

    Been awhile since you’ve posted, how are you doing?

    Like

    • truthbetold1111 · October 20, 2016

      It has been SO long! So much has happened in my life. Biggest being a move out of state. I fell off the wagon but am back on and determined to stick with it. My new environment is much more condusive to it. I plan on posting about it all soon. Thank you so much for checking in. It means a lot! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. onebottleoneglass · October 24, 2016

    Glad you got back on with renewed determination! I’m following and looking forward to updates!

    Liked by 1 person

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