It’s time. I’m going to an AA meeting tonight. A few things happened to bring me to this point. To start it’s just been on my mind for a while. But, my total mental breakdown and the realization that I have detachment/escape issues helped me understand that I really need support in staying sober and re-learning how to cope. I dropped my coping mechanism. And while I’ve found great benefit in yoga it’s not helping me cope. It’s helping me escape in a way because I can totally disappear from my life for 90 minutes a day. That’s fine as long as I’m dealing with stuff outside the yoga room and I’m just not. The other day I was in yoga, laying on my mat (like you do) and I thought to my higher power that I feel really alone in my sobriety. I have support thankfully from friends and family but nobody I know is sober. Right after that, I mean RIGHT after, the instructor said “I’m an alcoholic and this yoga has helped me learn the importance of self love and taking care of myself.” Woah. After class we were talking about it and she said, “I’ve never said that out loud before. I don’t know what made me say it. I guess maybe just the intimacy of the room at that moment.” Double woah.
Yesterday, before class I was talking to a different instructor and she started talking about how she’s been dating this guy for a while who’s on the same plane with her on how to cope with life and look inward, etc. I hadn’t said a word about my sobriety journey or that I was in the throws of a breakdown. And she said “He’s an alcoholic. He’s been sober for 13 years and still attends AA meetings.” She went on to say that she was never much of a drinker but he’s had an influence on her, and that she’s been surprised to find that a lot of yogis in the community are sober. So random.
So, here I am all bundled up with nerves and definitely going to take that step to the 12 step tonight. I am very nervous. What if I’m not alcoholic enough, do you know what I mean? I have no idea what to expect. People are people at the end of the day. Will I be accepted? What if they ask me questions? I’m not good on the spot at all. It takes me 12 light years to process a question and answer it. I’m sweating. Or lord, I’m sweating. Okay. Whew, breathe. I’m going to go for a walk and get some air. Wish me luck guys!!