Q. Why does a codependent buy two copies of every self-help book?
A: One to read and one to pass on to someone who really needs it.
Q. What does a codependent have in common with God?
A. They both have a plan for your life.
In one of my last posts I wrote: I feel like I’m just unraveling everywhere. I’m thankful to be sober and at the same time I have this thought “Since you can’t change anything for 7-8 months you can just drink until then.”
Well, I did unravel everywhere. Full out mental breakdown. Then it hit me. I don’t have to wait 7-8 months. I can change now. My husband and I had a heart to heart and both felt we were ready for a wholesale change immediately. So we moved. We’re in a new state, in a new home. It’s very peaceful here. Sobriety feels different here. It’s calming. I mean, it always was a good thing but so often I felt like I was pressing up against something unnatural. I assumed it was being sober that was awkward but it was really the struggle to normalize my extremely dysfunctional circumstances. I know I’m being vague but if I detailed my life here I’d have to write a novel. Long story short: I compromised my own happiness because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do in order to be a good person. I got the idea in my head that being selfish was bad, and that thinking of myself first was bad. I gave and gave until I didn’t have any more to give. My giving lead to enabling. Enabling lead to resentment. Resentment lead to a horrible attitude about giving anything to anybody. I found myself in corner wanting nothing more than to be left alone. My lesson learned is that giving is good as long as it’s not taking away from me. I still have some loose ends back home that I need to tidy up but I feel that’s best done from a distance. And at this stage in my life, if it feels best for me then that’s what I’m going to do. I trust me enough to know that my wants and desires are not unreasonable, neither are my ‘don’t wants and don’t desires’.
So with that friends, here I am. I have sobriety and peace in my heart. I can’t think of anything much better than that. For anyone struggling with co-dependency I highly recommend the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. If you don’t know what codependency is just Google it. I firmly believe this book changed my way of thinking and possibly saved my life.
I will be trying out the local yoga studio here in hopes to make some new friends. Oh, and my twin brother and niece, who was also born on our birthday, live in this area. It’s been a joy to see them. I’ll be dressing up as Slimer for Halloween since my niece wants to be a Ghostbuster. My brother will be the State Marshmallow Puff. I’ll be sure to post a pic for you guys!
~ Namaste Bitches 🙂