I found a letter I wrote myself a few years back. I was asking myself to stop drinking. I was tired of living my life in a haze, tired of being tired, tired of missing out on life because my priority was booze. Here I am all these years later and its the same conversation. When I found the letter I felt frustrated and angry. WTH am I still struggling with this? Why won’t I let this go when it’s so clearly what I want and need.
A friend of mine is having problems in her marriage. For three years she has talked about leaving him. It’s not an abusive relationship but she feels like the love is gone. Yet she can’t bring herself to leave. She’s waiting for that honeymoon romantic love to come back again. Another friend of mine has been talking about wanting to change her diet for years. She has a medical condition and her diet needs to change if she’s ever going to get better. She’s having a hard time letting go though. She’s waiting for her doctor to tell her that something miraculous has changed with her health and she’s free to eat whatever she wants.
When I think of my friends and see how they too struggle, I don’t feel so frustrated with myself. I see that this is normal. We all do it to one extent or another. The last time I drank I believe I gave myself alcohol poisoning. Maybe I did it on purpose. Maybe I wanted to make myself so sick from it that I would never touch it again. So far, mission accomplished. I want to write new letter to myself and I hope I find it years from now. A message that says I’ve quit drinking. I’ve given myself my life and freedom back. I know I’ll have new things that I’ll struggle with, but this, this won’t be one of them anymore.