Old Letter, Same Message

I found a letter I wrote myself a few years back. I was asking myself to stop drinking. I was tired of living my life in a haze, tired of being tired, tired of missing out on life because my priority was booze. Here I am all these years later and its the same conversation. When I found the letter I felt frustrated and angry. WTH am I still struggling with this? Why won’t I let this go when it’s so clearly what I want and need.

A friend of mine is having problems in her marriage. For three years she has talked about leaving him. It’s not an abusive relationship but she feels like the love is gone. Yet she can’t bring herself to leave. She’s waiting for that honeymoon romantic love to come back again. Another friend of mine has been talking about wanting to change her diet for years. She has a medical condition and her diet needs to change if she’s ever going to get better. She’s having a hard time letting go though. She’s waiting for her doctor to tell her that something miraculous has changed with her health and she’s free to eat whatever she wants.

When I think of my friends and see how they too struggle, I don’t feel so frustrated with myself. I see that this is normal. We all do it to one extent or another. The last time I drank I believe I gave myself alcohol poisoning. Maybe I did it on purpose. Maybe I wanted to make myself so sick from it that I would never touch it again. So far, mission accomplished.  I want to write new letter to myself and I hope I find it years from now. A message that says I’ve quit drinking. I’ve given myself my life and freedom back. I know I’ll have new things that I’ll struggle with, but this, this won’t be one of them anymore.

 

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3 comments

  1. shehidbehindtheglass · December 23

    ❤ We always think that our future selves will be better equipped to do the right thing. It's so much easier to say "tomorrow", and yet unfortunately there is no time when the conditions will be perfect or that we'll be better equipped. We either have to step forward towards the change that scares us but will ultimately make us more free, or we stay where we are.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I Quit Wineing · December 23

    I think I have said it before but according to Dr John Kelly it takes about eight years before someone reaches a steady twelve months of sobriety. During those eight years there can be many long periods of success, two months, five months or maybe longer. But on average it takes eight years. If I look back on my own life I can see that pattern. What you have to focus on is that YOU WANT TO CHANGE. Nothing ever happens in life without first reaching that stage. Pat yourself on the back for that. You have passed the first step! and you are well on the road to recovery now.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ainsobriety · December 24

    Change is hard. I had a number of letters like that to myself. I don’t think for 8 years, but definitely from 2008 until I actually quit in 2013.

    When I was diagnosed with celiac disease I gave up gluten 100% and never looked back. I know others who never will.

    Why was one change so easy and the other hard? I just don’t know…

    But I’m glad I made both.

    Liked by 1 person

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